Time To Talk About Sex
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For you

For gay and bi men.

Writing on the shape compulsive sexual behaviour actually takes in gay and bi men's lives.

In my own words

A note from Dr Michael Yates.

If you're a gay or bisexual man and something about your sexual behaviour has started to feel out of control, or has been feeling that way for a long time, this space is written for you specifically. I'm Dr Michael Yates, and this is where you'll find writing about the shape compulsive sexual behaviour actually takes in gay and bi men's lives.

Why this space

Why this page exists.

The pattern we see in gay and bisexual men is not just a version of what straight men experience with different partners. The context is different. The scripts around sex are different. Drugs and sex, saunas, chillouts, apps, and the specific role of shame that comes from growing up gay or bi in a culture that still doesn't quite know what to do with you, these shape the behaviour and they shape what change has to look like. The essays and articles below are written with that specifically in mind.

Start here

The anchor essay.

Gay and bisexual men: the double shame

How growing up gay or bi shapes sex, why the shame runs deeper, and how the scene, apps, and drugs can make it harder to see. Dr Michael Yates.

Essays for you

Written specifically for you.

What chemsex is (and why it isn't just drug use)

Chemsex is not simply gay men taking drugs. It is a specific cultural and psychological phenomenon with its own drugs, settings, communit…

The chemsex loop: shame, apps and chillouts

The chemsex loop is not random. It follows a pattern of apps, invitations, drug use, shame, and return. Understanding the loop is the fir…

Growing up gay or bi: the stress driver

How the stress of growing up gay or bi shapes compulsive sexual behaviour in adulthood, and why the pattern often makes sense in context

Gay shame and compulsive sexual behaviour

How internalised homophobia operates as a driver of compulsive sexual behaviour in gay men. The mechanism, the clinical picture, and what…

Apps and saunas: loneliness and the illusion of connection

Why the spaces that promise community, apps, saunas, chillouts, can deepen isolation. The illusion of connection in gay sexual spaces

Saunas, chillouts and the gay sex scene

What gay saunas and chillouts are actually doing for the men who frequent them. The community function, the equitable space, and the crue…

Chemsex physical risks: STIs, overdose and harm

The physical risks of chemsex that often go unspoken: STIs, GHB overdose, hep C transmission, injury, and how the harms compound over time

Slamming and injecting in chemsex: when to seek help

Slamming (injecting drugs during chemsex) is the highest-harm pattern within chemsex. What it is, what the risks are, and where to get he…

Sober sex after chemsex: what to expect

What sober sex actually feels like after chemsex: the recalibration period, the five-year arc, and what changes when the chems are out of…

Compulsive sexual behaviour and the closet

The clinical picture of still-closeted gay men with compulsive sexual behaviour. The double bind, the specific function of behaviour as the only available expres…

Bisexual men, invisibility and chemsex spaces

How bisexual men's specific experience, feeling invisible to both straight and gay worlds, shapes the path to chems and compulsive sexual…

Articles worth reading

Shorter reads.

The 2 AM app loop: why you can't stop checking

The late-night app scroll that never quite leads to a meeting: Dr Michael Yates explains what compulsive hookup app use is actually doing…

Why apps make loneliness worse, not better

Men go to the apps for connection and come away lonelier than before. Here is the mechanism, and why understanding it matters for the me…

The five-year arc of sober sex

What the long-term recovery picture looks like for men who've come out of chemsex or compulsive sexual behaviour: the five-year arc of so…

The shame cycle: why trying to stop makes it worse

Shame drives compulsive sexual behaviour and is also produced by it. Understanding the shame loop, and how it differs across gay, straigh…

Loneliness: one of the biggest drivers we see

In my clinical work, loneliness is one of the biggest drivers of compulsive sexual behaviour I encounter.

The inner critic in compulsive sexual behaviour

The harsh internal voice after a compulsive sexual episode keeps the cycle going. A compassionate approach offers a different response.

Reconnecting with your body after compulsive use

How do you reconnect with your body and arousal after compulsive sexual behaviour or chemsex? Dr Michael Yates explains the clinical proc…

Why group therapy works for men like you

Group therapy does something for lonely men that one-to-one therapy cannot. The moment of realising you are not the only one is not a sid…

Is sex addiction real? What it actually is, and isn't

Is sex addiction a real diagnosis? Dr Michael Yates on why the addiction label captures something real, why it doesn't quite fit, and what a different approach makes possible.

Next step

The first step is a conversation.

A confidential conversation with Dr Michael Yates or our clinical team. No commitment beyond that.

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